Well, let me tell ya, relationships, they ain’t always sunshine and rainbows, you know? Sometimes, they’re just plain messy, like a chicken coop after a fox visit.
What’s this “toxic shame” thingy anyway?
Now, I ain’t no fancy doctor or nothin’, but from what I gather, this “toxic shame” they talkin’ about is like feelin’ you ain’t worth a hill of beans. It’s that deep-down feelin’ that you’re bad, rotten to the core, and it just sticks to ya like glue.
And lemme tell ya, it can sure mess up a relationship. If you’re always feelin’ ashamed of yourself, how can you be a good partner to someone else? You’ll be too busy hidin’ and tryin’ to be someone you ain’t. It’s like tryin’ to make a silk purse outta a sow’s ear.
- You start thinkin’ you’re not good enough for your partner.
- You might start apologizin’ for everything, even when it ain’t your fault.
- You might let your partner walk all over you, ’cause you don’t think you deserve better.
It’s like bein’ stuck in a mud puddle, and the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. You start believin’ all the bad things you think about yourself, and it just gets harder and harder to climb out.
How does it sneak into relationships?
This shame thing, it don’t just show up outta nowhere. Sometimes, it’s been there for a long time, maybe since you were a young’un. Maybe you had folks who made you feel small, or maybe you went through some tough times that left you feelin’ broken.
And sometimes, it creeps in slowly, like a vine snakin’ its way up a tree. Maybe your partner says things that make you feel bad about yourself, even if they don’t mean to. Or maybe they’re just plain mean, and they know how to push your buttons.
You know, those little digs, the eye rolls, the constant criticism…they all add up. It’s like bein’ pecked to death by chickens. One peck ain’t gonna kill ya, but a whole bunch of ’em sure will.
What can you do about it?
Well, first off, you gotta realize that you ain’t alone. Lots of folks struggle with this shame stuff. It ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of! That’s the dang truth!
And second, you gotta start bein’ kinder to yourself. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a good friend, not like you’re some stray dog that needs kickin’. You wouldn’t tell your friend they’re worthless, would ya? Then don’t say it to yourself!
Here’s some things that might help, not that I’m an expert or nothin’:
- Talk to someone you trust. It could be a friend, a family member, or even a therapist. Just gettin’ those feelings out in the open can make a big difference.
- Set some boundaries. Don’t let your partner treat you like dirt. You deserve respect, just like anybody else.
- Focus on your good qualities. We all got ’em, even if we don’t always see ’em. Make a list of things you like about yourself, and read it over when you’re feelin’ down.
- Maybe go find them folks at that “National Domestic Violence Hotline”. I hear they help with this guilt and shame stuff, sounds like they might know a thing or two. And them experts, they say focusing on yourself is important too. Whatever that means.
And look, gettin’ over toxic shame ain’t gonna happen overnight. It’s like plantin’ a garden; you gotta tend to it every day. There’ll be good days and bad days, but if you keep workin’ at it, you’ll eventually start to see things grow.
Remember this, you’re worth more than you think. You’re a good person, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let that shame monster tell you otherwise. You tell him to go jump in a lake! And if your partner’s the one feedin’ that shame monster, well, maybe it’s time to find a new partner, one who sees you for the good person you are.
Relationships should lift you up, not drag you down. They should be like a good cup of coffee on a cold morning, not like a bucket of cold water dumped on your head. So, if you’re stuck in a relationship that’s makin’ you feel ashamed, it’s time to do some thinkin’. And maybe, some changin’.
This is just my two cents, of course. I ain’t no spring chicken, and I’ve seen my fair share of relationship troubles. But one thing I know for sure is that nobody deserves to feel worthless. So, go on now, and take care of yourself. You’re worth it.
Tags：[toxic shame, relationships, self-worth, emotional health, boundaries, communication, mental health]
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